Cynical Optimism

Perseverance is my big issue. I literally just gave up trying to spell that word correctly on my own and spellchecked it. What a perfect fucking example. I always say that Spellcheck and its cousin Auto-correct (which has yet to be given the distinction of being its own word, I see) are making idiots out of us all.

I’m just not 100% thrilled with my progress since grad school. But I guess I was like using all of my psychic energy fixing the last of the MAJOR issues in my relationship  with my husband. Which obviously can’t be done on one’s own. So I guess the flow of progress isn’t so bad, because okay –
2009 – Meet/Start Dating/Start living together (we moved in together freakishly fast and it managed to work out because my husband is a sweet person and I have/had a MASSIVE tolerance for being treated poorly – we are the exception that proves the rule though, you get?)
2014 – Married (engaged in Oct. 2013)
Then…like….seriously fucked up shit happened after that. Not that it didn’t happen before but it finally came to a head in 2015. I finally severed things with my parents, besides the email correspondence with my mother. Then there was the weirdness with…you know…R and all that….then about four months after when that ended (it lasted about 10 months in total) was when my husband and I tried ‘swinging’ or whatever you want to call it with two different couples three different times in one month -it was November…such a busy November because that was also the last time I’ve gone out drinking/bar-hopping hard all night till closing time (which here is 2am) with a group of people. I’m like still burnt out from that. Plus it’s not that fun and what I really remember the most distinctly from all of that is the hangovers. So…eh. I’m kind of over it.
But now it’s 2017 already, it’s been close to a year since I had sex with R last. I’m kind of glad we did the swinging, because honestly I felt bad for my husband, he wasn’t getting any from the chick he was trying to extra-marital with so things got really unbalanced. I mean it’s GOING to be easier for a woman (and I’m hot) to get dudes to be into that situation than vice versa. Honestly what sparked the true interest in swinging was the approach from a DIFFERENT dude from grad school (did we seriously all just go there to find people to fuck in our late twenties?) last September (I just checked my Twitter messages and it was 9/14/16). He basically asked if we’d be into it, I of course showed my husband and he seemed excited so I said yes, then he’s like okay I’ll talk to my wife (they’d done the process before but things had ended for different life-related reasons). Then it turns out his wife isn’t into the idea of it anymore, and we’re left holding our dicks. Pretty good use of the phrase, if I do say so.
So that kind of propelled my husband into making an online profile (that I have of course completely deleted since then) and I’ve told you about what happened those times already. I guess if you look at the timeline between my thing with R ending, other grad school guy approaching me, the swinging….it happened KIND of fast….ha! I don’t know why but that amuses me. Like I feel like that’s not something  would do, yet I did it and wrote about it and that’s pretty much my goal for life. So. Before you go judging that, keep in mind that I am capable of providing for myself while also trying to achieve that writing life goal. I don’t care if it doesn’t seem like it has a point. Because MOST things don’t have a point, if you haven’t been paying attention.
Plus with the swinging, I didn’t really like it, I could tolerate it. And you should really do something better than tolerate your spare time. Plus since then..it’s just not that appealing. R has actually tried to contact me a few times recently. It’s annoying. I really should block him on everything because i think that’s what it’s going to take. At least no one knows about my Word Press.
Well, onward and upward at this point, I guess. It’s been almost a year. Good for us. Things are way better between us too.
I guess it’s easy to be in a good mood when you’re finally over a stomach virus and Wednesday is your Friday this week! I don’t get that much vacation time where I work, so this is a maaaaagical time of year for me. 4 day self-imposed weekend.
God help us I’ll probably be on word press.

~Cassie
~Thanks for reading~

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