Tomorrow is a family wedding (on my husband’s side, of course) in NYC, we could not attend due to obvious financial limitations as well as the fact that this is a Sunday evening wedding and my husband really shouldn’t miss work while the season’s still going. Also my desire to go is quite low. BUT, my in laws are attending and were on their way through the state driving to NYC on Wednesday so they took us out to dinner, which is always nice enough.
But then they had a few bags of stuff to give us. One bag contained a noticeably heavy container of pocket change. I rolled it in a day, more on that in a second. There was $104. We need to save up for something so it worked out. After I rolled it all, I told my husband how i rolled up change A LOT when I was a kid. My dad kept giant Coke bottle shaped banks of change, then had the kids (mainly me) roll it when he and my brother needed money for hunting season. My husband remarked, “So you had to roll it and you didn’t get to participate in what it was being spent on?” Which is true, and would seem shitty, but in an effort to report things as I remember them, I am pretty sure I was paid to roll it when I was young.
As I did the same thing again about twenty years later, I realized how appealing doing something like that is to me. Like you’re taking this disorganized, messy, dirty pile of gross change and sorting and container-ing it, then you get actual cash out of it. I can’t explain it well, but I’ve always found ordering and organizing and sorting so soothing. Like there are times when I’m on a small scale excited because something really disorganized, which means I get to fix it. I in every way agree that my chaotic childhood could very well be linked.
One of the other things my mother in law gave me was a new robe. She usually buys me the business casual clothing I need for work (which is so appreciated, don’t get me wrong) so getting something purely for comfortable lounging is like extra fun for me.
Yeah, I know, sometimes I talk about what genuinely pleases me in life – like the idea of carving pumpkins with my husband next weekend because somehow we’ve never done that together before – and I feel like a freaking goober, but whatever. I never begrudge another their happiness, though I am always irked by their need to jam it in other people’s faces. Like why do you write an 500 word ode to your husband on your 5th anniversary and post it to Facebook? What prompts that kind of public intimacy? I’d rather watch people fuck. But anyway, getting off topic.
So I’ve been very into this new robe. It’s very short so if you wear it without pants there’s this instant “I’m trying to be sexy” vibe it gives off. But it’s just a gray plush robe with stars on it, and a faux sheepskin lined hood, it’s not like my mother in law buys me comefuckme lingerie. That would be disturbing. But I typically am only able to buy necessary things for myself. I guess that’s why robes and slippers and pajamas are common Christmas gifts, huh? See I feel like if you think about it enough about anything you can figure it out. But don’t do it too much, because you will NOT like it when you finally come across something you can’t figure out. Like where we go after we die. Or if the dead can still see the living. Or if we reincarnate ad nauseam.
And sometimes (all the time) it’s the little joys that make the difference in the end anyway. So best not to think about it anyway. As for me, I have just a frightening amount of cleaning that needs to be done today. Yet here I am, noon on Saturday and what have I done, besides write this blog and eat candy for breakfast? So I should get to it. I’m still trying to figure out how to make myself write every day. It’s a work in progress I guess. I can’t tell if this blog is a help or a hindrance, but isn’t that always the way with things you like?