Check in? Idk

Well, as you can see I’m lunch break writing. The entirety of last week’s spare time was dedicated to training for that at home job. It was a week of getting up at 5:30 and getting home from training at 9:30. I’m just excited to have an opportunity to make money at home. Of course while the dozen of us from various departments were training, someone was like oh [executive] was wondering if his daughter (who does not work for us) could do this? I got so mad. That job is an incentive/reward for being an employee in good standing with our company but no of course not, not for his daughter, she deserves a really awesome cushy job because of who she’s related to. Luckily the trainer was like oh no we tried that once with [different executive’s] wife and it didn’t work out. I tried to figure out why it made me so mad. I guess it’s because if you are handed the opposite of breaks/opportunities from your family (they handed me nothing but hindrances, that’s how I like to think of them) you tend to scorn those who get and take them.

I also find that I’m filled with scorn when I’m told how “lucky” I am to have my job. Luck didn’t have shit to do with it, I didn’t win my job in a contest or have it given to me because someone made a phone call. I earned it through years of turmoil and strenuous effort and pain. Had I not been also dealing with the emotional fall out that is my family those years would’ve been a lot easier. But it doesn’t matter now.

So now I go home and work out then get some chores done then bill until I make dinner, then I bill after dinner. I desperately need money so pretty much as much as possible is what I’m after right now. I need to work like 20 minutes of writing in there too, but I’m still acclimating.

My next non creative writing project is going to be writing a letter to w. I think narcissists might not even have the chance to be self aware. It’s not that I think it’ll fix him or even make a slight improvement, people like him can’t change, it’ll make me feel better, though, to once and for all let him know why I refuse to have anything to do with him. You know because he’s toxic garbage and will never get better and he just pollutes and infects and abuses those too stupid to leave his presence. He sure has his captives though, my mom and brother lack the strength and intelligence it takes to abandon your family because they’re rotten and they’re going to rot you the first chance they get. More later

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