I have several startling confessions I’d like to make in a row

I’m happy, you know? I spend every day doing about the same thing and it’s great. I’m going to be completely honest and tell you because this is my weird, boring diary:

5:20 A.M. (4:30 on Mondays and Fridays): Wake up

7am (6am M & F) – 4 pm : Work

Have 12pm-1pm lunch break, spent either editing a few pages of my current book in progress (code name – CF) or reading. This week I’ve mostly been reading Silence of the Lambs. I read Red Dragon and clearly 100% had to read SOTL right away after.

4-6ish – work out – I come home and handle a few household things, then change into my work out clothes and smoke weed. Then I either use my indoor bike, do yoga, or do a pole dance warm up and practice because I can do all of that while watching TV in my living room. I’ve been watching the subtitled version of Sailor Moon on Hulu. It’s amazing. I watched most of the entire series when I was between I think 9th and 10th grade, and it’s meant a lot to me even before then. I went through a LOT of fixations/obsessions of things when I was younger. One day I’ll give you a list.

6-8ish – Writing – Right now I’m transcribing. So I printed my first rough draft that I already showed y’all a picture of, then I edit it with pen (in my car, as mentioned above or at my kitchen table), then I type all of that from scratch. It’s a TON of extra time, but it really helps with pacing and catching typos that your eye doesn’t catch, at least at first.

8-10 – Sometimes this bleeds into writing time, but this is why I feed us. So either making dinner at home, or procuring it some other way. I get hella shameful sometimes with how often we eat out. I’ve been trying to get way better at it…but let me tell you, it’s really easy to just not make dinner and have a mess to clean up, especially in my no-dishwasher rental house.

Then, as you can tell by the time I get up in the morning, I need to get to bed at a reasonable time every night.

And that’s my life. I write as much as I can, and I don’t get how anyone with kids or any sort of life could possibly do such a thing. I know they do, though, that’s what I’m saying.

The weekends…honestly…this is depressing to admit any everything, but pretty much every single weekend, I go TWO places:
1) Either Friday night, if I’m not too exhausted after working 6am-4pm, or on Saturday morning between 7-11am I will get groceries. I will NOT go to a grocery store when it is busy. I WILL NOT. I worked too many hours retail to be able to handle that anymore.

2) Sunday at noon, for one hour, I’m at my pole dancing gym. It’s $18.75/class so I really can’t afford to go more often than that.

But other than that, most weekends, I do nothing else. So as you can see, I’m afforded many hours to write. Thank god I don’t have any friends to hang out with or social obligations or children to look after……

I’m an odd mix, because I really do crave normal, healthy relationships with other people…but I mean, how does one go about forging such things in adulthood?
Look at anyone’s groups of friends/people they spend time with – take away coworkers, relatives and people from high school, and then let me know how many are left. Because I have a hunch. Well, I don’t have any of those people. Well I have coworkers but I do NOT have a hang-out relationship with any them, which was untrue of all of my previous jobs. I was crazy close with coworkers for certain periods of time in my life. I lived with and worked with the same chick. We’re still acquaint-a-friends. And, again, of course no kids. I am WELL aware how much spare time that affords me.

Every weekend I have to stop myself from losing myself in a cleaning black hole. I have a tiny house and five cats, my husband is messy, I cook dinner all the time. I’m more an obsessively organized person, sometimes I let cleanliness slack, only a little. I kind of have to because it would take all of my energy to keep up on it to the point where I’m happy with it. I have to content myself with malcontent, like always, right? I’m so many different fucking oxymorons rolls into one, aren’t I? Like cynical optimist and organized chaos…need I mention well-organized disarray? I’ve also got this arrogant/insecure thing down pat. Plus I am a fucking WEIRD mix of cool and nerdy. Also, have a few random really high-class traits, but also a mildly trashy upbringing and disposition, but I’m also obsessed with TALKING about how trashy I am…which…is weird…

While I’m listing shit, my most favorite concept is unity and variety. I also love form v. content.

I should go. I’m so drunk. Yeah, GUESS what else I should list. How often I’m fucked up:

1) Smoke weed between getting ready for, and leaving for, work. See this is why this is my super secret super honest anonablog.
2) Smoke weed before working out after getting home
3) Smoke weed and drink beer while writing and then while cooking dinner
4) Smoke weed and drink beer after dinner/before bed

GUESS what I do on the weekend…yes in fact it’s more of the same.
Do you all realize how lucky you are that you’re following this blog? One day, I’m going to be a famous author. I feel it. I can’t tell you more than that. OH wait, also that I’ve openly and privately dedicated my heart and soul to the written word, first and foremost expressed in my debut novel. I was writing when I was eight years old on an electric typewriter. I got a Masters in literature for pretty much no practical reason. I guess some people might not feel like they have a destiny, and that’s too bad for them. But that alone is a part of my life that’s never been unclear or disappointing.

Am I even capable of writing something short? Doubtful.

So we’ll see how this goes. The last thing I posted should explain why I haven’t been blogging. There’s only so many hours in a day, and I dedicate every spare one I have to writing. Right now I’m reading it, editing with pen, then transcribing (from scratch, if you will) onto a new document on my computer. Judging from how much fucking work it is, and I’m definitely not even halfway done. I’m on chapter two, which is the second biggest chapter. The worst one will be six. But, they say it helps judge  the pace and cadence and whatnot if you retype it rather than editing the first document. Also, I’ll be real with you, I’m catching typos as I retype it that I did NOT find when I was just reading it. Stuff your eyes just scan over and replace with the right word before you realize what you looked at. Stuff like “not” instead of “no” or mixing up it/is/if or whatever because I’m typing fast and not looking at the screen, as I like to do when I type. I always instinctively hit CTRL+S all the time when I’m blogging, out of habit from writing. It brings up an annoying dialogue box. Damn writer habits. That and the booze. So inconvenient.

So all I really do is work and work on my book. I edit during my lunch break in my car, then I transcribe that in-between getting home and working out and then starting dinner. Then after dinner it’s PTFO time real fast because I have to do that same shit again. Unmentioned are the many minor house things i must complete between work/sleep as well, like dishes and tidying and packing two lunches. I know is all really boring adult normal everyone does it bullshit, but I’m just saying that I am now operating like a finely tuned machine. But this Saturday, I vowed to do something outside related, because oh so soon, certainly within two months, it’ll be fucking cold out again. And where I live, it’ll stay that way until…IDK like May of 2019. It’s about 5-6 months of winter here, really, if you think about it. But anyway, there also aren’t terrifying bugs or animals about, either. Also, no life-threatening weather, like ever. Anyway.

So, like I always say, it’s fortunate that I have nothing better to do than sit in my mildly shitty rental house and write a book. I mean it’s all very “impoverished artist” so it’ll make sense if it’s successful, which of course you want it to be, but I don’t think that should be the main goal you have. Like if it’s mainly for the money, it probably won’t sound right. Or something.

Well, I wanted to see if I could handle something short. Did I even make a point? Do I ever? This is mostly for my benefit, though each new follower still fills me with joy. Maybe one day all of this will be a written history of my writing process. I just did the ctrl+s thing again, fucking weed. Anyway. I’ve been distracted all morning and haven’t done much writing today and it’s already freaking 1pm. So I should go.

~Cassie