I don’t know what’s wrong with me.
This is the most acutely lonely I’ve felt in a long time.
There are days I wonder. Is having a husband who really loves me already asking for too much? I mean I know about twenty people who aren’t happy with their spouse/life so, I don’t think it’s a standard thing. Jesus look at my parents. Enough said.
So, is being happily married (might I underline, being happily married now…..in no way did it begin as such) more than I should hope for? Or is it normal that I feel such a longing for something more?
For my adult life, I’ve felt like the loneliness of childhood didn’t go anywhere. I still carry it around with me everywhere. I’m still a needy child in certain ways. It’s not easy to detect, because Idontmeantobrag but I’m pretty mature, because I had to be freaking mature to get by. Also the usual had-to-parent-my-parents shit.
Or maybe I just think any normal measure of wanting attention/affection is needy and childish because…well, obvious reasons.
I haven’t felt the need to write this prolifically since I was a teenager.
But, I’ve been experiencing some pretty fucking teenage emotions these past few days…so. I guess that explains it.