So driving to work today two songs came up on the ole iTunes, first was The Killers Mr Brightside, another a little later was El Tango de Roxanne.
Besides being from my effed up eclectic music taste, both of those songs are about one thing: jealousy.
So what a perfect fucking time to discuss exactly that, I don’t have my laptop, so it’s time for you, second string writing goals (which is what this anonablog is, sorry, you’re not third though?)
So, a skeptical observer might find fault with “open” relationships in the sense that, well, how can you be married to or with someone for a long time and NOT get jealous when they started wanting or even liking someone else?
Yeah, I’ve got news for you, you DO get jealous. These are not magic people who lack this emotion. But what they do lack is possessiveness, and the “open” quality, that your SO isn’t sneaking around or lying at all, that you’re both giving each other space to explore certain feelings in a healthy way, really goes a long way. There’s no waking up during the night to find them gone and wondering what lie they’ll feed you this time about there they went.
That being said, that annoying bitch from his college/volunteering that I wrote a whole blog about once, I will never like her. But this doesn’t mean my husband isn’t totally free to fuck her (on his end, she clearly likes playing head games, and not the fun ones, teehee sex joke). I mean I was perfectly civil when she was over but like….I don’t like her….
My husband didn’t like R. All they had in common was the alcoholism. And even with that, with my husband it didn’t consume his identity. Well, it was, but only for a time.
BUT even though he didn’t like him, and it made him jealous that I was so into him, my husband still gave me this space.
AND a weird phenomenon that happens with “open” situations, you’re jealous BOTH ways. For example, that one Saturday where I thought things were definitely going to happen with N, my husband was jealous of both of us.
He was jealous of me because he wished someone he went to school with wanted to fuck him. It’s a fun situation. Or it would’ve been.
He was jealous of N because like, idk, there’s something magical about getting ready for the first time you think you’re going to fuck someone (I can’t be alone in this) and my husband saw me getting ready, specifically when I was sitting on my couch completely ready but without pants on because I was putting lotion of my legs. My husband was watching me from across the room, as I lotioned from ankle to thigh in undies I normally don’t trot out, and I could tell just from the way he was looking at me.
Which I SUPPOSE a different sort of person would have felt bad, and I mean I in no way wanted to hurt him in the slightest, but at the same time I feel like a neglected toy sometimes, like oh, you’re suddenly overwhelmed by the need to have this thing you have ZERO interest in most of the time just because you see someone else has it/wants it. Well gee that makes me feel fucking special. Also whenever we swang he would always have to fuck me like right after the other guy. I didn’t mind per say but I felt like a tree he needed to piss on.
So. In case you were wondering, being open/swingers/poly does involve jealousy, but in the spirit of being open, we’re open about that feeling too, and you work through it like any other. I guess our big thing is being honest about feelings.
Like I want to fuck this person from grad school. Or I want to fuck this chick from political volunteering. I feel that’s better than those thoughts happening without acknowledgement. But I could also be super fucked. Both?
Well this was fun. Stay warm.